13 Things that Kills Your Confidence


We all know what an advantage it is to be confident and how having self-confidence can make a huge difference in your professional, social and personal life. We each have within us some inner enemies that can quickly kill our confidence. They drain our lives of potential and our purpose, and they fill us with deep regret. We always search the internet for practices to increase confidence.



However, we do certain things that kill our spirit. Left unchecked, they can unfortunately quickly erode our grandest plans and our noblest intentions.

That is equally important to make sure that we find out those things and avoid them.

See if you recognize any of these 13 confidence killers in your own life. If you do, you need to crush them now. Your future depends on it.

In this blog post, I’ll share with you 13 things that kill confidence.

  1. Feeling Unworthy

Self-confidence comes when you feel worthy of who you are and what you’re accomplishing. When you believe in yourself, when you think or say you’re in any way not good enough; you’re rejecting your own value.

Combat these feelings by thinking of the things you appreciate about yourself.

2. Focusing More on the Obstacle than the Solution

Life is full of obstacles, with everything from learning to talk to your first lead to building your first company. However, every obstacle encountered is an opportunity to grow as a person. Challenges can often send us to doubts and worries as you imagine all the worst possible outcomes and become paralyzed. Still, personal growth consistently is what generates the kind of confidence that lasts.

For example, when a minor situation challenges or relationships some people immediately assume their partner is losing interest in them. Sadly, this often becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy because they focused on the problem rather than looking towards getting a solution. When you focus on obstacles more problems are generated. These problems crush your self-confidence. You have a choice, you can choose to focus all of your attention on the problem which gets you nowhere or you can choose to ignore the entire problem then quickly move to find a solution.  

3. Ungratefulness

One fact about life that so many people fail to understand is that no matter how bad you have it, someone will be worst off; no matter how good you have it, someone will be doing better. Gratitude allows you to focus on what you do have instead of what you don’t. it gives you the confidence to appreciate what surrounds you and the poise to pay attention to details you might overlook.

Whereas, ungratefulness takes your mind off what you have and place it on things you like. When you are ungrateful, you are naturally inline to lose yourself confidence and see less of yourself. Anytime you need a boost take an inventory of all the great things you have.

4. Surrounded by Negative People

Some people think being alone is lonely, but for me being surrounded by the wrong people and negative people, in particular, is far more dangerous and it is better to be alone than to be with negative people. Worries and actions of negative people are some of the greatest confidence killers. Although not many people admit to being easily influenced by the terms of others.

Jim Rohn a motivational speaker said “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”.

Negative thinkers will never do you any good. They will only kill your confidence, so stay clear from them.

5. Seeking Approval from Everyone

Do you regularly make choices to avoid disapproval or criticisms? Rather than what is most valuable, useful, or essential to you. Truly confident people have no interest in pleasing everyone they meet. They understand that not everyone is going to agree with them, and that’s okay. Instead, they focus more on building quality relationships with the people they respect and value, rather than focusing on winning over every person they meet.

Don’t let the opinions of the masses (or those whom you don’t value) define who you are or what you can and can’t do in life. When the important people in your life truly have your back, you’ll feel way more confident when it counts.

6. Living in the Past

What’s done is done, as an old saying goes. Yes, the memories of the past may be fresh in our memory for a long time. But the truth is there is nothing we can do to change the past. We can only change how we think about it. We all have decisions we might undo if we had the choice. Good times we took for granted, events we wish we could have avoided. Sadly, you can’t change the past. You can only find strength and hope in the fact that you can always change today.

Dwelling in the past and sucking on your previous actions is something that can cause your confidence level to fall   drastically.

7. Perfectionism

A lot of people get the idea that they need to be perfect in everything they do. They can’t stop and look around and realize that true perfection doesn’t exist and instead it is put to a completely unattainable level of pressure and burden upon themselves. The idea of perfection creates a situation where people are tough on themselves when they do not achieve the level of perfection that they have set for themselves. The inability to reach their expectations usually takes huge hate to their self-esteem. As they consider anything less than perfect or failure. Perfectionists believe that they are not worthy because they are not perfect. That’s instead of trying to be the best they can be, they push towards flawlessness which can be disheartening and confidence killer.

Nevertheless, once a perfectionist learns that there is no such thing as perfection and that no one expects that of them, they can gain a more realistic image of themselves and start to build their self-esteem.

8. Constantly Comparing Yourself to Others

 You will never believe in yourself as long as you’re comparing yourself to someone else. Being kind and true to who you are – to your unique thoughts, ideas, actions, and beliefs are as important as being kind and honest to others.

An anonymous writer once said “why compare yourself with others, no one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you”.

However, comparison never makes anyone feel better. It only belittles you. Comparison kills confidence.


9. Measuring your Mistakes

Regaining confidence after a mistake can be tough, but try to redefine the terms. If you want your confidence back, learn to treat your mistakes as valuable lessons that you have learned and moved on from.

10. Thinking that Good Things Only Happen to Other People

Why do we always think the grass is greener on the other side? The truth is, if you were to get the baggage of others you would likely be glad to give it back. You never know what other people are carrying; being grateful for the good things you do have and be patient for the rest.

Maybe it’s your turn to be the good thing that happens to someone else right now.

11. Saying I Don’t Know

One clear factor about life is that nobody can do everything. However, the difference between those with confidence and those who wilt to face difficulty is how they think about strange things.

Shane Simmons once said, “Whether you want to learn a new language, start a business, or meet new people, eliminate the phrase ‘I don’t know-how from your vocabulary”.

According to Shane Simmons when you tell yourself you don’t know your subconscious takes it in, reducing your confidence level and causes more problems for you later on in the future. Instead, you can reframe this negative self-talk with a more positive phrase such as: How can I do this or where should I start.

These questions will boost your confidence; open your brain to think about solutions.

12. Telling yourself you’re not smart enough

Nothing hurts more than trying your best and still not feeling smart enough. To regain your confidence, you have to literally tell yourself, “I am smart enough to succeed. I already know a lot, and what I don’t know I will learn. “Each of us is smart in what we know. We just have to acknowledge it.

13. Interpreting Failure as a Reflection of your Worth

One thing is sure: successful and unsuccessful people differ in the way that they view failure.

In contrast, successful people understand that failure is simply part of the learning process. Every time they figure out a wrong way to do something, they get one step closer to discovering the right way to do it.

It’s a matter of perception. On the other hand, unsuccessful people tend to take failure personally. They see failure as a reflection of their self worth and that breaks their confidence.

Furthermore, unsuccessful people think that when they fail it also proves that they are a failure in life.

Michael Jordan was cut off from high school basketball team and is quoted as saying “I’ve failed over and over again in my life. That is why I succeed”.

So, the next time you fail at something before you start beating yourself up about it, take a moment and remember that failure is simply part of the growth process.

Persistence and positivity pays off.

Thanks for Reading

Hope these tips helped?

Please don’t forget to share this post if you found it helpful

Yeah…..till next time

Nuela Obi.


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